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Creachur Hoard!

(Originally written early 2023)

I always thought Elmyra Duff was TERRIBLE! How dare she treat the little animals like toys! Animals have bones and feelings, if you squeeze them too hard they'll get hurt! But creachurs aren't animals, they don't feel pain! I doubt half of them have bones. You can just do whatever, and there are plenty that I would squeeze. So here's some fictional creachurs I would grab and squish:

Klonoa


YEAH!!!! I like the original but any design (even Fake Klonoa) has a lot of fun going on! I want to pull his ears like silly putty and chew on them! Maybe blow him up like a Moo, throw him against the wall and watch him bounce back! Wahoo!

Panta from Tail Concerto


Panta is a rare designer creachur, he's not squishable! I won't even let him go outside. He might get stolen! I feed him fancy food and buy little clothes to dress him in, but I don't want him to get sullied. His stupid cop outfit is in a display case because those days are over.

Aisha from Neopets


I'm not a cat person! But the Aisha was always a fun mix of "familiar but otherworldy". I want to touch the ear stalks! Or snap them off and eat it. Maybe it can grow back? They have plenty of ears to spare, especially an alien Aisha (6 of them!). Let me at it! I bet the fur is similar to the Limited Too plush toys.

Tigren from Neopets


This is another very rare designer creachur!!! Borderline extinct. Tigren gets fed the fanciest cat food and sleeps in the bougiest bed (probably shares the same bed with Panta), I don't want it to get stolen if it goes outside. However, I think Tigren would probably like playing in the washing machine and dryer. That's why the fur is so fluffy! Don't worry, it's fun! It's like a special pool.

Zafara redesign concepts from Neopets


WOAH!!! These ROCK! I wish any of them were used instead of the awkward kangoo-like Zafara! I want to bop the green one on the head like a whack-a-mole and watch the neck spring back up! The light blue one with horns is a sensitive creacher, it can graze in my front yard. And the third one has a rodentlike quality, I want to put it in a hamster wheel and watch it go wild! YEAH!

Fat Pikachu from Pokemon


I may not be a huge Pokemon person anymore, but I can still appreciate this! OG Pikachu is so round! Globe-like! I'm a big fan of the super old art with the little white on the face/belly. Peak character design for anything. Just a fat squishy rat. Also, shout out to Detective Pikachu (no, not the fluffy movie one, the game) for basically being a Fat Pikachu with the brain of an adult man that drinks coffee.

(Wonder what happened to the supposed sequel...)

Nopon from Xenoblade


These are a mishmash of the creachur tropes I like! Nopons are just funny guys. They're considered people (in a way) though, so sadly I wouldn't use it as a football or anything. I'd use Tora as a football in a mean way, but not all Nopons are terrible perverts like him. I'd take a Nopon out to coffee and let it sit on my lap at the cafe. Or go clothes shopping! Speaking of clothes, the one pictured is Niranira from Xenoblade 2, the cutest character in the game (besides Mórag... teehee).

Bunnit from Xenoblade


These are super common fodder enemies, but they rock! I sadly never finished the first Xenoblade but when I played it with cheats enabled so I could explore stress-free, I wanted to touch these. I would like to pet the long ears and fur, and put my hand in its hand-tail (after I disarm it...wouldn't it be fucked up if one carried a gun?). I think what we need besides a Switch port of X is a petting zoo game! I don't want to kill these creachurs, I want to hug them!

Pommy from Bomberman


I was going to put Louie here, but Louie is just a friend. Not a creachur I would interact with. Pommy on the other hand, I'd love to bounce like a ball! I never got far enough in Bomberman 64 to feed one and have it evolve into something (like the proto-Chao from Sonic?), but now I want to. I want to put random food in its mouth to see if it eats it. Will Pommy eat anything? Let's find out!

??? from Lil' Monster / Gem Gem Monster


I actually don't know who or what this is! But I remember seeing this game at Funcoland as a child and was in love with the box art. I've tried to play it as a child, then again as an adult. I literally don't understand this game. I really want to like it and still find the box art beautiful, but it's not fun. But something about the designs make my deformed maternal instincts go off and I want to swaddle these stupid creachur babies in a blanket.

Freyja from Fire Emblem Heroes


Freyja would've been cute if she wasn't insane and obsessed with her brother. (Yes, I know that's both a Norse mythology thing and a recurring Fire Emblem trope. They're still ugly traits in a woman.) If I had it my way, she would just be stuck in this goat form and I would shampoo and brush her hair whenever I wanted to. I want to run my fingers through her insanely long tail! Do goats shed? I'm sure it'd make a lovely blanket.

Nerthuz from Fire Emblem Heroes


*sigh* Intsys fucked up again... Nerthuz seems pretty Mecore on paper with how she's Freyja's thotty mother aunt, but she looks AWFUL! I feel so betrayed! Her personality seems like one-note you-know-what-bait too. If I can't force an artist who has seen a woman in real life to draw her, I will just make her stuck in this cute goat form forever. I think she looks more pettable than her niece, honestly. What the fuck are those crystal things? I'm going to find out.

Ash from Fire Emblem Heroes


Sometimes I see something human-shaped like a kemonomimi that makes my brain go "WOAH! ANIMAL!" - but that's also a person! That means you have to ask first before subjecting to any odd interactions. I'm a creachur-person too, so I understand. I really liked her design the moment I saw it. I want to touch her ears and tail, and feed her a burger (it's ok, she knows)! The cow form gets a nice pat and hair brushed too, she can sleep on my bed. I stopped caring about what happens after that Book in the app, so for all I know, she's grazing in greener pastures (literally) now!


By the way, I like Askr too. Even if he looks more like her brother than a father. (Don't question gacha "story" logic, I know...) In fact, his beast form is cuter than Ash's!!! Back when I played this stupid app, I blew over 300+ orbs in hopes I could roll him and touch that fluffy mane. Did I get him? ...No. I did not. Womp womp. (I'm F2P anyway.)

Classic Tails from Sonic


GASP!!! He's so small!! I have to put him in a jar with holes poked in to keep him safe. This isn't just any version of Tails - this is specifically the pixel graphic in Sonic 2, so he's sharp around the edges too. Ouch! It kind of hurts to touch. It's ok, I'll put him in a terrarium if he gets too big for the jar.

Calumon from Digimon


Confession: I NEVER liked Calumon! I thought he was so annoying. I want to squash him with a hydraulic press, or make him a chew toy for a dog! He's like some kind of harmless virus like Bonzi Buddy that I would try my hardest to uninstall. UGH! But that was the dub version. I watched the sub and he's not nearly as bad. Well, that's just how it is sometimes. (I've also never finished a season of Digimon...sorry.)

Kitten Bagi


Bagi tows the line of creachur versus humanoid, like a kemonomimi. I'd say she's not a creachur when she grows up - she has feelings! But like that mysterious blue creachur, something about Bagi when she's a kitten triggers some deformed maternal instincts. I just want to hold her in a little blanket! Poor baby had no idea that the rest of the movie would happen.

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